


lemons

by underconstellations



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ADHD, Academic Stress, Caring Kita Shinsuke, Comfort, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miya Atsumu Has ADHD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27838831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underconstellations/pseuds/underconstellations
Summary: It’s storming in Hyogo and Atsumu, mid-breakdown over ADHD struggles and confession rejection worries, shows up at the doorstep of the boy he’s in love with.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 17
Kudos: 222





	lemons

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> this is pretty much my (unedited) adhd and academic stress vent fic.  
> i hope you all like it <3
> 
> [my twitter ](https://twitter.com/KITASHlNSUKE)

There is a distinct, unmistakable line of division running through the centre of the Miya twin’s shared bedroom.

The left, Osamu’s side, is relatively orderly. Two discarded black hoodies decorate the end of his futon, a few team photos are haphazardly taped to his dresser, and there’s a stray volleyball laying in the corner, courtesy of Atsumu’s late-night need to disturb him. But the muted colours of his clothes, bedding, and stationary all match, his floor is free of mess, excluding the volleyball, and his desk is carefully organised.

Atsumu finds this infuriating.

His school books sit innocently in a uniform pile at the corner of Osamu’s desk. There are no stray pieces of paper sticking out of any of them, the labels on their spines are neat, and there are no pen scribbles in sight. Atsumu glares at them.

To Atsumu, his own side of the room is shameful. 

A clashing assortment of clothes lay strewn over his floor, some on top of his unmade futon. His walls are littered with volleyball magazine cutouts and posters, hair products and cans of deodorant play hide and seek, there are old notes of volleyball technique ideas balled at his feet, and the desk he’s sitting at is a schoolwork-cluttered, overwhelming projection of the current state of his mind.

Considering the fact that all of his volleyball achievement recognition certificates and awards are downstairs, there is one lone item in Atsumu’s room that allows him to feel positive.

Taped proudly to his wall amongst blurry team photos and magazine cutouts, radiating sunshine and love, sits a post-it note, a post-it note that contains a small, handwritten message, and an endless supply of happiness.

He’s probably spent more time reading Kita’s ‘Dear Atsumu, eat a proper dinner and get a good night’s sleep. Sincerely, Kita.’ Than he’s spent reading anything over the span of his life.

The short sentence had become an emotional crutch for Atsumu since Kita gifted it to him, and one that Osamu teases him relentlessly about.

The words remind him that he deserves to be cared about, that he deserves to take care of himself.

He closes his eyes and counts to ten. 

Once again, his intended two hours of study have been interrupted by wandering thoughts.

It's always been hard, focusing in school, submitting work by due deadlines, listening to his teachers, studying at home like everyone else can, but the end of the school year is looming, and it’s never been harder to deal with.

He can’t cope with this anymore, he’s not alright.

Akin to reading the note whenever he needs encouragement, a reminder, or a fleeting moment of warmth, he has inevitably acquired the habit of visiting the konbini by his house during times when the words just don’t do enough.

Throat lozenges, umeboshi, and lemon water are all conventionally used to alleviate the symptoms of not feeling well physically.

Atsumu, however, seeks them out for comfort when he isn’t feeling well mentally.

He turns back to look at his desk, takes in the scattered, stress-inducing contents and lets out a deep sigh laced with exhaustion. 

He pats the pocket of his jeans to make sure he has yen on him, stands up, and reaches for his phone. 

Then, Atsumu checks the time to find that it’s been two hours since he came home from school. He blinks back a sudden tear of frustration at the realisation that it’s taken him that long to complete barely a tenth of the work he had planned to. 

_Pathetic,_ he thinks, _Osamu is spending the night with his boyfriend while he’s trying not to cry over homework._

__He throws on a hoodie, calls out to his parents to let them know where he’s going, and leaves through the front door.

The air in Hyogo is nice. He knows this as a fact from the time he’s spent in Tokyo for nationals. But tonight, it feels as though the air is laughing in his face, whispering cruel jeers into his ear, watching as he walks through the cold of february just to buy three things for the sole purpose of trying to replicate the pure, untainted tenderness and care he had felt on that one particular day.

He shrinks under the deprecating gaze of the earth around him and shoves his fists into his pockets. 

The gravel pathway is uneven and rough, the store lights that reflect onto it are harsh on his eyes, his shoes are dirty, there’s a hole in his left sock, his hair feels heavy with product buildup, and his nails are digging into the skin of his hands. 

Today, Atsumu thinks the world feels severe.

Overwhelmed by the waterfall of negative thoughts rushing through his mind and into his body, his heart, Atsumu decides to take a detour.

It’s quite a far walk from the Miya’s house to the Kita’s farm, about forty minutes, but it’s not as if Atsumu would have gotten anywhere with his schoolwork in that time anyway. He sends a text to his mother to let her know he’s visiting Kita and will be back later, he knows she won’t object because it’s a Friday, and Osamu is allowed to be at Suna’s.

Atsumu looks past the 7/11, walks through the veil of green, red and orange light, and begins the route to his captain's farm. 

Atsumu’s feelings for Kita aren't new or foreign, if anything they’re comforting, familiar, just like Kita himself.

He kicks a stone with his foot and huffs a small laugh at the memory of the first time he got caught staring at Kita during practice.

Osamu had caught on to his unsubtle admiration of the second year and within seconds, a volleyball was mercilessly slammed into the side of his face. Atsumu was thoroughly humiliated at the time, because Kita’s head had whipped around at the sound of it which meant that he must have known Atsumu wasn’t paying attention, and being caught distracted tended to send him down a slippery slope of shame.

He didn’t show any emotion besides worry, however, and the fact that he rushed over to see if Atsumu was okay probably saved Osamu's life that day. 

This became an often and regular occurrence over the course of Atsumu’s first year at Inarizaki, but it transformed into something else at the beginning of his second. 

Kita was given the role of captain, and Atsumu decided instantaneously that he would push himself as hard as humanly possible to become a team member Kita could be proud of. He’d been pushing himself for years upon years, alongside mutual pushing from his twin, but the thought of Kita’s approval gave a new breath of life to his motivation. 

He’s been completely fixated on and dedicated to volleyball since he first started, but Kita’s presence had, somewhere along the line, begun to teach him that getting carried away and neglecting to care for himself would only result in bad plays, injury, or anything of a similar nature. 

And so, like every other member of the Inarizaki high school volleyball club, Miya Atsumu fell a little bit in love with Kita Shinsuke. 

That didn’t last. 

A little blue car zooms past, close to the sidewalk, and Atsumu’s head snaps up and out of the deep hole of thoughts he had accidentally fallen into. 

The car headlights pass, the road is blanketed in silence once again, and he lets his head drop, sinking back into the depths of his mind. 

_So much for not needing memories, hah._

__That little bit of love didn’t stay alone for long.

Atsumu’s love for Kita grew quickly, but not uncomfortably. It wasn’t overwhelming or scary, it was soft, it felt like a hug that grew warmer as each day passed. 

It still does. The embrace of love wraps him in a familiar warmth with every word that comes from Kita’s mouth. 

He's irrevocably in love, everyone knows it, and that’s why this train of thought is interrupted by the rhythmic vibration of his phone from his pocket. 

Osamu’s name is written across the screen and he rolls his eyes in annoyance before bringing the phone to his ear. 

“What.”

“‘Tsumu!” Osamu’s voice. 

“Atsumu.” Suna’s voice. 

“Go back to making out and leave me alone.” He grumbles. 

“Not until you tell us why you’re going to visit Kita-san at this time of night, almost sounds like you’re up to something.” Osamu’s teasing voice speaks over background laughs from Suna.

Atsumu’s finger moves to the ‘end call’ button but he’s interrupted. 

“Finally going to confess, are you?” 

His heart rate speeds up, and consequently, his words come out choked. “No. No. I’m not-“ 

“Take your time buddy.” Suna’s teasing is followed by the unmistakable sound of a light slap, and then a yelp from Suna. 

“Fuck off. Both of you.”

Osamu’s voice takes over again. “Are you okay, ‘Tsumu?” 

Atsumu opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, trying to compose a response. “‘M fine ‘Samu, just wanted to see Kita-san, discuss positions for the next game, or tell him about some training routines I found online or something.”

He hears a loud sigh from Osamu, and it takes a couple of seconds for his twin to speak again. “Don’t be a scaredy-cat, yeah? It’s about time you tell him how you feel, trust me when I tell you he won’t be upset.”

He wants to object, to tell Osamu he’s going to Kita because he needs a hug, comfort, help, anything like that.

He doesn’t get to do that, though, because his phone beeps suddenly, indicating the end of their call.

Atsumu’s angry, angry because his twin hung up on him like he’s nothing, angry because he will never be able to build up the courage to confess, angry because he has work due tomorrow that won’t get handed in because his brain won’t let him do it, angry because he’s halfway to the Kita farm and he doesn’t even know what he’s going to say when he gets there, angry because he feels like a small, useless child, and angry because in the middle of going through the reasons behind his anger, the sky breaks open and cold, cruel, heavy rain starts to fall.

-

Miya Atsumu arrives at the Kita family home a pitiful sight.

He stands on their doorstep drenched from head to toe, shivering and face wet with tears, sweat, and rain.

He lifts his hand to knock on the dark wood of their front door, but it’s a futile attempt.

The door opens, and he’s greeted with a deity.

The soft, golden, living room light casts a halo around Kita’s regal silhouette, he stands before Atsumu like a perfect, confused, worried, piece of carefully-crafted art.

“Atsumu?”

_Oh._ Atsumu’s mind comes crashing back to earth and he’s forced to acknowledge where he is, the state that he’s in, and the boy stood right in front of him.

“Oh… Uh… Hi there, Kita-san.”

Kita looks him up and down, worried eyes scanning Atsumu’s body for answers. “Are you- Do you need help? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Atsumu reaches up to swipe back the soaked mass of hair plastered to his forehead. “Sorry for uh… coming unannounced, Kita-san.” Each word is punctuated with a heaving breath. “I was having a bit of a breakdown, you see, and ‘Samu’s not home and I didn’t know what to do, and you’re just so,” His tone becomes slightly desperate, “ _good_ at this stuff, so I thought I’d come see you, for advice or something, but I got carried away and forgot to ask if it was okay to come over. Then the storm started, but I was already halfway here and…” He pauses to catch his breath, chest rising and falling exaggeratedly, “‘M sorry, Kita-san.”

Kita takes a step back to look at him with an expression not unlike his usual, steady one, but with a certain softness that he hasn’t seen before.

“Atsumu…” His tone is gentle, affectionate. “Come inside, it’s dreadful out here. You can take a warm shower and we’ll talk afterward, okay? You’ll get sick otherwise.”

Atsumu nods, but hesitates when Kita gestures for him to enter the house. “Are you sure it’s okay with Kita-obaasan?”

Kita shakes his head and lets out the faintest of laughs, eyes never leaving Atsumu. “She adores you, y’know? I’ll explain while you take a shower, it’ll be fine.”

Atsumu takes a deep breath, mentally collecting himself, and smiles appreciatively before following Kita into his home, the physical and metaphorical warmth of the space already doing it’s magic to make him feel protected from the raging storm outside.

Kita goes to fetch towels while Atsumu waits in the genkan, basking in the feeling of being taken care of.

He returns promptly and places two fluffy towels in Atsumu’s arms, then he points out the way to the main bathroom and Atsumu nods along, despite both of them knowing he’s definitely been around enough to know where it is.

He’s halfway there, speed-walking so that he doesn’t wet the floor any more than necessary, when Kita’s voice calls out to him. “Which tea would you like, Atsumu?”

Without looking back, to avoid Kita seeing his flushed cheeks, Atsumu responds. “Do you have any lemon water?”

“You need something warm.” Kita chides gently. “I’ll make lemon and honey tea, you go shower now.”

He nods and rushes toward the bathroom, completely oblivious to the loving eyes that trail after him.

-

Atsumu, dressed in Kita’s old sweater and sweatpants, carefully places his steaming mug of lemon and honey tea on the floor before sitting down with his legs crossed beside it, facing Kita who’s position mirrors his own, with less than a metre of space between them.

They sit in silence for a small moment, getting comfortable in the close presence of one another.

“Talk to me, Atsumu.” Kita whispers.

And with that, Atsumu lets his heart out of the tight, suppressing cage it was locked in.

“I’m not doing too well with school at the moment, it’s not fine anymore, not now that I have to consider my future. Everything feels like it’s going too fast, it’s piling on me, the more stressed I get, the more I can’t do things and it’s just this _shitty_ cycle of not being able to do anything besides volleyball. I hate living with this, I didn’t ask to be born with ADHD and it’s just fucking unfair. And I’m so, so happy for ‘Samu and Sunarin, I am, don’t tell them that, but now it feels like I don’t really have anyone, not anyone that I can go to without being annoying I mean,‘Samu’s so used to me, y’know? But I can’t go to him now that he’s got Suna.” He lets out a heavy sigh, trying to hold onto some semblance of composure in front of Kita. “I… Ugh… I think I might be lonely, and on top of everything else it’s just _too much,_ it’s all _too much._ I wish I could just ask for a hug, Kita-san, just some comfort, or something, I don’t know, that’s why I came here, I guess. I feel betrayed by my own brain with everything, studying, focus, worries, you. _It’s too much_.”

He doesn’t know when the tears started to fall, or when Kita’s arms found their way around his torso, but he does know that he just accidentally mentioned Kita, and that his captain is now slowly pulling away from him.

He doesn’t move very far, just enough to put a few inches of space between their faces. The breaths they take fade into one another. “Me, Atsumu?”

Atsumu laughs a teary, self-deprecating laugh and avoids Kita’s insistent eyes, dropping his head to face the floor instead. “I don’t mean to offend, Kita-san, but you’d have to be pretty oblivious to not know what I mean by that.”

“Shinsuke.” Kita whispers, hushed and gentle.

Atsumu looks up to finally meet his eyes, but only offers a sad smile and melancholy words. “I can’t call you that.”

Kita sighs, but doesn’t push. “You’re the best high school setter in Japan, Atsumu. You’re going to get scouted, play in the V-league, and join the national team one day. I know it. You have a wonderful, bright future ahead of you. I’m going to do what I can to help you with schoolwork, and to make sure you’re keeping your head above the water, but no matter what, trust me when I tell you that you have a promising future in doing what you love, don’t ever doubt that. And please listen when I tell you that Suna will never, ever, replace you in your brother’s life, Osamu loves you more than anything, you won’t lose him.”

Their eyes are looking into the depths of one another, both watery and filled with admiration.

“Kita-san.” The words come out wobbly and insecure.

Kita lifts two fingers to rest underneath Atsumu’s chin. “Shinsuke.”

Atsumu’s mouth remains shut for a few seconds longer than normal, but in the end he gives in. “Shinsuke.”

Kita smiles, “Atsumu.”

Atsumu smiles back, slightly hysterical, intoxicated by love and hope. “That future you just told me about…”

Kita hums in response, not sure enough to offer a verbal response.

“Would you like to be a part of it?”

Kita leans in, just as careful as he is in every other moment of his life, and Atsumu meets him halfway, more forceful, excited, just as he is in every other moment of his life.

But it’s okay, because they end up together, perfectly equal, with their hearts and mouths intertwined.

Their kiss tastes like lemon, like the lemon water Kita gifted Atsumu that one evening after training, like the lemon water Atsumu seeks whenever he needs to replicate the comfort of that action, like the lemon of the warm tea he just brewed for Atsumu, and like the thousands of lemon-flavoured kisses waiting in their future.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thankyou for reading <3  
> i would love to hear your thoughts or feedback :)  
> i hope you all have a wonderful day


End file.
